Authors Posts by John Scott G

John Scott G

John Scott G
John Scott G, an admitted word nerd, writes books, plays, screenplays, and political commentary. Author of "Area Code 666," "Secret Sex," and "Ambient Deviant Speedmetal Polka," Mr. G also writes under the pseudonym Gerald Laurence. Every day he happily rubs a few phrases up against each other to create sparks in your brain. You're welcome.
Virtual Reality for Conservatives

Opinion: Virtual Reality for Conservatives – RWNJs Add Stank to VR

G on Politics (OPINION): Research demonstrates that a conservative differs from a normal human being in a number of ways. Note: ‘Normal human being’ means someone with a soul and an I.Q. above 70. A conservative is a strange creature. As you can see by their actions in Congress and in state houses across the country.
Conservatism for Dimwits

Opinion: Conservatism for Dimwits – a Sinful Foundation Leading to Political Bunko Artists

G on Politics (OPINION): From its sinful foundation to its current crop of liars and bunko artists, here is the story of the pestilence called conservatism. Concise! Accurate! Easy-to-read!* (*Note: Language may be too advanced for Trump supporters.)
Ivanka Trump is America's Marie Antoinette

Opinion: Ivanka Trump is America’s Marie Antoinette

G on Politics (OPINION): Excessively coddled and carefully coifed, Ivanka Trump is not the 'orange whisperer' who will guide our fascist madman president away from errors. As Ivanka Trump plods robotically through her embarrassing public appearances, it is obvious that she is laboring under a ton of cosmetics and probably a Quaalude or two.
Betsy DeVos Edumacashun

Opinion: Betsy DeVos Edumacashun Test – Trump Cabinet Continues Dismantling Common Sense

G on Politics (OPINION): Betsy DeVos has a deep and profound love of fairytales and she plans to slather that love all over the children of America. You often hear the phrase "conservative values" but what does that phrase mean? It is similar to phrases like "square circle" and "dry water" in that it is an oxymoron.
Conservatives Lack Work Ethics

Opinion: Conservatives Lack Work Ethics in Foisting One Page Tax Plan

G on Politics (OPINION): When the conservative geniuses in the Trump misadministration released a one-page 'tax plan,' a cheer was heard from everyone whose job requires them to come up with detailed plans for things. A single page for the country's tax plan? One page? Seriously, only one page?!?! Wow, I didn't know you could get away with something as lazy as that.
Is Jared the Leader of the Free World?

Opinion: Is Jared the Leader of the Free World?

G on Politics (OPINION): As America suffers the shame of an illegitimate president elected by racists, morons, greedwhores, and Russian agents, one ray of hope is that the USA is being managed by that revered political genius, Jared Corey Kushner.
Shocking Secrets of Congressional Conservatives

Opinion: Shocking Secrets of Congressional Conservatives

G on Politics (OPINION): Presenting the revelations of a salacious, stunning, and completely fictitious investigation into the personal habits of conservatives in the Senate and the House. Data never dies. No matter what information appears in print, email, text message, audio, or video, there is a record of it somewhere.
Opinion: Enemy of the Sheeple

Opinion: Enemy of the Sheeple

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): This bedtime story is a fable about the rise and fall of a modern-day tyrant named Ronald Dumpt. Once upon a time there was a country that tried an experiment called democracy. The country was called Usa (pronounced "OOsah") and it had a population of 320,000,000.
Fascism's Frowny Face

Opinion: Fascism’s Frowny Face

G on Politics (OPINION): Let us now turn our gaze to the man whose job brings him closest to a heart attack every day, the White House Secretary of Prevarication, Sean McSpice. Amidst all of the conservative attempts to destroy American values is the daily equivocation dance performed by shifty-eyed White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

Opinion: Heavens to Betsy! (Dissecting DeVos and Other Conservative Detritus)

G on Politics (OPINION): In which we examine the odious delusions, bigotry, and anti-American schemes of conservatards. Conservatives are apparently rotten to the marrow of their bones. How else to account for the hordes of uneducated, unwashed, unthinking goobers who flock to the Klan rallies held by Dummy Donny and his Rethuglican Party?
Conservatives Say the Darnedest Things

Opinion: Conservatives Say the Darnedest Things

G on Politics (OPINION): As conservative congress-critters hide from their constituents to avoid answering tough questions about the GOP's anti-American policies, RWNJs of all shapes and sizes are spreading disinformation, deceits, deceptions, and outright lies.
Interviewing Trump's Conscience

Opinion: Interviewing Trump’s Conscience

G on Politics (Opinion/Satire): Inside a Mexican restaurant in one of the touristy parts of Los Angeles, our intrepid writer converses with the moral chaperone of Donald J. Trump. I sat down for an interview with the conscience of Donald J. Trump, our nation's first illegitimate president.
America's New Day Dawning

Opinion: America’s New Day Dawning

G on Politics (OPINION): Take heart, America: conservative attacks on democracy will not stand. A brighter future will arrive and we will demonstrate that conservatism's bigotry, plutocracy, and inhumanity are not what make this country great.
Take the Dictator Quiz

Opinion: Take the Dictator Quiz

G on Politics (OPINION): Lots of people dream of having unlimited power but that requires a hatred of democracy. Take this test to see if you are ignorant and biased enough to try holding the reins of an embarrassed nation.
Trump in Conservatism Hall of Fame

Opinion: Trump in Conservatism Hall of Fame

G on Politics (OPINION): Congratulations to Donald Trump, with an assist from Steve Bannon, for entering the Top 5 in the Conservatism Hall of Fame (which sane people know as the Conservatism Hall of Shame). There have been a great many moments in rightwing douchebaggery and here, listed in chronological order, are the current top five conservative flustercucks.
Trump Voters Conned

Opinion: When Will Trump Voters Realize They Were Conned?

G on Politics (OPINION): What will it take for the sheep to see they've been shorn? How much damage to democracy will it require before people acknowledge the evil of Trump and the conservative movement?
Delusional Man Loose in White House

Opinion: Delusional Man Loose in White House

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Police issued a warning yesterday about a mentally-impaired man running amok on the White House grounds. In addition to posing a danger to himself, there are reports that he may be armed with remote-controlled nuclear devices.
The Cowardice of Conservatism

Opinion: The Cowardice of Conservatism

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): And now, a parody of a recent screed in the New York Times that was scribbled out by a right-wing nut-job douchebag named David Brooks. This is a column directed at high school and college students. I'm going to try to convey to you how astoundingly similar the Republican Party felt when I was your age.
Trump Claims Credit for Air and Gravity

Opinion: Trump Claims Credit for Air and Gravity

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Donald Trump claims credit for anything he sees as positive. The media keeps falling for this con, dutifully passing on Trumpster's false and misleading braggadocio.
Trump Team Trumps the Truth

Opinion: Trump Team Trumps the Truth

G on Politics (OPINION): Conservatives are performing verbal somersaults as they desperately try to explain and condone the reckless rhetoric of Donald Trump. One conclusion: Republicans love Big Brother.
Trump's Cabinet of Deplorables

Opinion: Trump’s Cabinet of Deplorables

G on Politics (OPINION): Trump's cabinet choices include a bigot for attorney general but the foulness doesn't stop there. Mr. Bulging Neck's entire list of right-wing nut-jobs is scary and aromatic. Truly, the Clones of Dr. Trumpenstein are invading the U.S. government.
Trump-Speak Trickery

Opinion: Word-Salad Surgery on Trump-Speak Trickery

G on Politics (OPINION): Like every conservative, Trump uses words to fool the dim-witted. Here is a quick peek at the hidden meanings behind some of the Trump blather, bunk, baloney, hokum, hooey, and humbug. We have obviously fallen into The Outer Zone of Twilight Limits.
the Dubees

Opinion: 1st Annual Dubious Distinction Awards – the Dubees!

G on Politics (OPINION): We are proud to join the frivolity of Awards Season by recognizing a few of the more spectacular "fails" by some very well-known people and institutions. When it comes to the fine art of losing, here are some big winners.
Comedy in the Time of Fascism

Opinion: Comedy in the Time of Fascism

G on Politics (OPINION): The fantasy of performing a comedy club set is something that appeals to a lot of us. So I stepped into the shower, used my back scrubber as a microphone, and tried out some new material.
Leadership Skills in the Era of Trump

Opinion: Leadership Skills in the Era of Trump

G on Politics (OPINION): Having an aversion to facts appears to be a requirement for holding a management position in the Trump administration. Also an aversion to morality. Just who's in charge around here, anyway?
Opinion: From Russia with Trump

Opinion: From Russia with Trump

G on Politics (OPINION/Satire): What's with the Putin-loving people of the Trumpservative Party? "There is no connection between Donald Trump and Russia," said the Trump spokesperson emphatically. "None. Nada. Zip. Ziltch."
Politics on a Placard

Opinion: Signs of the Times – Politics on a Placard

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Banners, billboards, placards, posters, buttons, and bumper stickers are part of political campaigns and protests. We talked with a sign printer to see what messages are popular with liberals and conservatives.
A Kinder, Gentler White Nationalism

Opinion: A Kinder, Gentler White Nationalism – Same Number of Crosses

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Conservatives deny that the rise of Trump demonstrates their racism, anti-Semitism, and misogyny. "At least half of that stuff is half made-up," says a (supposed) Trump spokesman. People in the Trump Conservative Coalition do not like the media. They sometimes appear friendly to broadcasters who are complimentary, but those who insist on asking pointed questions are detested bigly.
Opinion: Trump Spokesman Calms Frightened Americans

Opinion: Trump Spokesman Calms Frightened Americans

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Fear grips the land as Conservatism takes control of the United States. A member of Team Trump seeks to reassure everyone that things will be fine, just fine. The recent election victories of Conservatives -- taking control of the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives -- have understandably frightened people in the USA and around the world.
GOP Anti-American Agenda

Opinion: Welcome to Trump’s New World Order with GOP Anti-American Agenda

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Racists and greedmongers keep getting elected thanks to the moron base of the Republican Party. What does this mean for normal, sane people? Here is a sneak peek at the GOP agenda for America.
A Vote for the GOP is a Vote Against America

Opinion: A Vote for the GOP is a Vote Against America

G on Politics (OPINION): Many Americans seem unaware of the actual stakes in the 2016 election -- the Greedy Obstructionist Party is promising trade embargoes, Radical Christian Terrorism, increased war on women, and actual shooting wars. All in all, the ascendancy of Conservatism is a sharp and current threat to us all.
Conservatism Harms America

Opinion: Conservatism Harms America

G on Politics (OPINION): Presented for your entertainment and edification, here are a few thoughts about some of the evils that exist in today's society. You're welcome.
Lies, and Trump's GOP

Opinion: Lies, Damn Lies, and Trump’s GOP

G on Politics (OPINION): A pestilence known as Conservatism has control of the Republican Party and it has its perfect candidate in Donald Trump. And while the GOP base prefers to be known as the Party of Stupid, their GOP leaders insist they are the Party of Greed. Sadly, they are both right.
Trump's Rise Reveals America's Fall

Opinion: Trump’s Rise Reveals America’s Fall

G on Politics (OPINION): Evidence of disgusting Trump behavior surfaces every day and most of his supporters seem nonchalant about the data. Some go beyond ignorance by actually embracing Trump's racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. Like Conservatism itself, Trump and his backers are anti-American and anti-humanity.
If Trump's a Genius I'm the Pope

Opinion: If Trump’s a Genius I’m the Pope

G on Politics (OPINION): Based on recent events, it appears that the Conservative movement is an alternative reality that is fueled by greed and the need for multiple wives. In what universe is the loss of a billion dollars evidence of genius? Donald Trump is a scavenger.
Mike Pence is a Dangerous Dunce

Opinion: Mike Pence is a Dangerous Dunce

G on Politics (OPINION): In a just world, here is how the moderator should have dealt with the anti-American campaign's VP candidate, Mike 'The Quiet Hun' Pence. Mike Pence revealed his cowardice at the vice presidential candidates debate by not coming out and admitting he loathes members of the LGBTQ community.
Nation of Sheep Made to Distrust Hillary

Opinion: Nation of Sheep Made to Distrust Hillary with Deplorable Innuendo

G on Politics (OPINION): Imagine what your life would be like if everything you said or wrote was dissected in public. Now imagine how much more outrageous it would be if people began using innuendoes, distortions, slurs, slams, and lies about you. All day. Every day. For years.
National Racism Test in POTUS Run-Up

Opinion: National Racism Test in POTUS Run-Up

G on Politics (OPINION / Satire): A scientific test is being conducted to calculate the number of bigots, goons, oafs, fools, and fascists in the USA. The experiment takes place November 8. "There are nearly sixty-one million racists and morons in the United States." The speaker was Professor Ramon Estadística of the Institute of Records in Washington, D.C.
Trump Spokesliar is a Hellish Job

Opinion: Trump Spokesliar is a Hellish Job

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): There are many stressful ways to make a living -- haz-mat team, bomb disposal squad, food-taster for Ann Coulter -- but perhaps the most daunting job in the world is Trump Apologist.
Opinion: Deep Throat 2016

Opinion: Deep Throat 2016 – While drunk and stoned, a GOP operative spills the beans

G on Politics (OPINION: SATIRE) -- While drunk and stoned, a GOP operative spills the beans on some of the dank, dark secrets of members of the Treason Party. The title of this column has nothing to do with Linda Lovelace or the porn film that catapulted her to fame. Instead, it is a reference to Mark Felt, the high-ranking FBI official who provided crucial leads to Woodward and Bernstein.
Aunt Thomasinas and Uncle Toms

Opinion: Aunt Thomasinas and Uncle Toms

G on Politics (OPINION): No matter how difficult your job, there are people who face bigger obstacles: like the Uncle Toms who betray their race in exchange for money and perks. Densmore Upton Davis is a man on a mission. His ambitious goal is the creation of a nationwide network of black republicans.
Buying Trump Support on RWNJ Radio

Opinion: Buying Trump Support on RWNJ Radio

G on Politics (OPINION): There are RWNJ radio bloviators who called for the GOP to rewrite their convention rules in order to rid the party of The Donald -- but then suddenly jumped aboard the Trump trainwreck. What gives?
Thank You, Donald Trump

Opinion: Thank You, Donald Trump

G on Politics (OPINION): An open letter to the leader of the political party that is becoming known as Goons Obstructing Progress. Dear Donald Trump: Thank you for putting so many things in perspective. Before you came along, it appeared that many people failed to acknowledge the pestilence known as Conservatism.
Opinion: Will the Ape Debate Hillary?

Opinion: Will the Ape Debate Hillary?

G on Politics (opinion/satire): Whether or not Donald Trump chickens out of debating Hillary Clinton, Americans are already judging the speeches, statements, and pronouncements of the sane candidate and the angry orange orangutan.
Opinion: Trump Translated

Opinion: Trump Translated – what is the actual meaning of his word-salad rants?

G on Politics (OPINION/satire): Donald Trump, current leader of the Know-Nothing Party, can be described in five words: extremely loud and dangerously gross. When he speaks, phrases are strung together in ways that sometimes resemble English sentences. But what is the actual meaning of his word-salad rants?
Conservatism, Thy Name is Trump

Opinion: Conservatism, Thy Name is Trump

G on Politics (OPINION/satire): In an 'off the record' conversation, a drunken GOP advisor reveals the truth about how Trump represents the Conservative movement. "This is totally off the record," the GOP campaign operative said between shots of Don Q Single Barrel Rum. Although it came out more like "Thiz toally off the recor."
GOP Speeches are 110-percent Original

Opinion: GOP Speeches are 110-percent Original

G on Politics (opinion/satire): All New! All Improved! All Original! That's how GOP officials are describing the content of Conservative statements and speeches. After the brouhaha over Melania Trump's plagiarizing of Michelle Obama's address to the 2008 Democratic convention, there has been more active scrutiny of all comments from Conservatives.
Klaatu Talks Trump and Tiny Hands

Opinion: Klaatu Talks Trump and Tiny Hands

G on Politics (Opinion/Satire): Is it possible to get an unbiased opinion of the 2016 presidential race? Yes! We interviewed Klaatu, the character from "Day the Earth Stood Still." The term "hevaltaagu" roughly translates as "American political conservative" or, alternately, "stupid beyond belief."
Hitler Talks Trump and 2016 Race

Opinion: Hitler Talks Trump and 2016 Race

G on Politics (opinion): Time for some pithy observations about the 2016 race for the U.S. presidency from a great scholar and lovely woman, political historian Alicia Sarah Hitler. (You didn't think we meant that other Hitler, did you?)
Opinion: GOP Flips and Flops

Opinion: GOP Flips and Flops

G on Politics (opinion): Conservative 'principles' are revealed when right-wingers endorse Donald Trump after condemning him as the worst thing since polio. Low-information voters in America are sometimes surprised when conservatives reveal that they have no morality....