Based on recent events, it appears that the Conservative movement is an alternative reality that is fueled by greed and the need for multiple wives. In what universe is the loss of a billion dollars evidence of genius?

If Trump's a Genius I'm the Pope
Donald Trump is a scavenger. When he sees an opportunity to profit at the expense of other people, he takes to it like white sheets on a Republican congressman. But he is doing so at the expense of the entire United States of America, which makes him anti-American.

Two Trump sycophants have gone on record supporting The Donald’s unpatriotic act. One was the GOP campaign’s screamer-in-chief, Rudy “Nosferatu” Giuliani, who used the term “economic genius” in describing Trump’s deplorable behavior. The grinning ghoul also went on to say that everyone commits infidelities — which is going to be shocking news to millions of married couples — and that Trump “is a lot better for the United States than a woman,” thus expanding the Republican war on women.

The other bloviating bovine was the GOP’s health-and-fitness guru, Chris “Roadblock” Christie. He proved his ability to stick to Republican talking points by also using the word “genius” to describe the duplicity of The Donald.

Genius? Really? Well, all right, let’s examine History According to Conservatives:

The Genius of George Armstrong Custer

“We will ride to face the Indians at Little Big Horn, surround them, and enjoy a huge victory through the brilliance of my tactics. This war will be short, we will be hailed as liberators, and the war will pay for itself. Genius!”

The Genius behind the Design of the Hindenburg

“We will construct a massive balloon filled with highly flammable gas and use it to transport passengers in luxury. As an example of right-wing genius, this will be one of the most–” The rest of the sentence was cut off by the sound of an enormous explosion.

More Conservative Genius Ideas

Let’s not stop with Donald Trump’s shrewdness in causing harm to America. Or the masterstroke of the GOP using trickle-down economics to boost billionaires at the expense of the middle-class. Or the cleverness of Republican voter suppression. Or the master planning of Conservative racism.

Grand and glorious as those concepts are, I feel we should go further and consider these equally cunning plans and ideas:

* The Hannibal Lecter cookbook

* Social interaction tips of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber

* Popular car design from the Edsel to the DeLorean

* Timothy McVeigh’s guide to Conservative protest techniques

* The GOP’s dazzling relief efforts after Hurricane Katrina

* Hull design innovations on the Titanic

* Tactical excellence from the Charge of the Light Brigade to the Siege of Stalingrad

* The people-pleasing policies of Vlad the Impaler

All of these are blueprints for ideas that are coming together in the campaign being conducted by the Conservative’s Conservative: Donald Trump. He is living up to the credo of the Party of Stupid. It’s right there in their name: GOP — Greedy Obstructionist Pricks. Or perhaps that should be Genius Obstructionist Pricks.


* * *

Editorial Note: Be aware this series of political articles running up to the 2016 Presidential Election may contain intentional satire, by author John Scott G, and not fully based on actual fact (aside from some of the stupider things, which are sadly 100% factual).

This opinion piece is Copr. © 2016 by John Scott G and originally published on – a publication of The Neotrope® News Network – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author. Editorial collage image by and Copr. © John Scott G.