Excessively coddled and carefully coifed, Ivanka Trump is not the ‘orange whisperer’ who will guide our fascist madman president away from errors.
As Ivanka Trump plods robotically through her embarrassing public appearances, it is obvious that she is laboring under a ton of cosmetics and probably a Quaalude or two. Her somnambulistic speaking style has fooled some people into thinking that Ivanka might be a decent person, apparently just because she is not a typical bloviating RWNJ. “She’s helping steer the Trumpasaurus toward better policy decisions,” they say with hope in their voices.
“Balderdash,” I say. (Actually, I say “Bulls#!+” but I censored myself.) Ivanka Trump is a spoiled rich bitch who has evil in her soul and a rotting octopus tentacle where her heart should be. Let’s take a look at the recent track record:
HEALTHCARE: Donald “Liar-in-Chief” Trump and House Speaker Paul “Jelly Spine” Ryan are pushing legislation that would deny healthcare to upwards of 24,000,000 Americans and raise the cost for millions of others. Did little Miss Marie Antoinette talk to daddy about how disgusting this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
IMMIGRATION: Donald “Cheeto Mussolini” Trump and Mike “Dead Eyes” Pence keep threatening to deport hard-working immigrants and split apart their families. Did little Miss Pampered talk to daddy about how inhumane this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
CHEATING INVESTORS: Donald “I Got Mine” Trump issued an executive order putting the Fiduciary Rule in jeapardy. The Fiduciary Rule states that retirement advisers must act in the best interest of their clients. Did little Miss Trust Fund talk to daddy about how irresponsible this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
GUNS FOR THE INSANE: Donald “Barrel Mouth” Trump signed a bill making it easier for people with mental illness to obtain guns. Did little Miss “My Clothing is Made with Slave Labor” Kushner talk to daddy about how idiotic this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS: Donald “Anything for a Buck” Trump and Mike “Dense” Pence are in favor of more oil spills and more dumping of waste into waterways. Did little Miss “Let Them Drink Bottled Water” Kushner talk to daddy about how dangerous this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
CABINET OF DEPLORABLES: Donald “My Friends Are the Best Sycophants Money Can Buy” Trump has assembled a team of greedwhores, goons, fellow fascists, and racist goobers to serve in some of the most important positions in America. Did little Miss Trumpette talk to daddy about how repugnant this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
DICTATOR ENVY: Donald “My Hands are Huge” Trump is giving aid and comfort to the enemies of democracy by cozying up to other thugs and despots. Did little Miss Heiress talk to daddy about how un-American this is? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
MOOLAH: Donald “Grab It” Trump is breaking the emoluments clause of the U.S. Constitution with all his business deals. Did little Miss Money Queen talk to daddy about how this is illegal? No. Ivanka is in favor of using the presidency for profit.
NEO-FACIST SUPREME: Donald “Putin Sock Puppet” Trump nominated a human turd to take the place of Merrick Garland on the Supreme Court. Did little Miss Plastic Surgery Face talk to daddy about how this harms America? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
TUES. NITE MASSACRE: Donald “Human Anus” Trump is making a habit of firing anyone who is investigating his administration’s collusion with Russian operatives. Did little Miss Mollycoddled talk to daddy about how this is horrendous? No. Ivanka said nothing and Ivanka did nothing.
All the evidence points to the fact that Ivanka Trump is a spoiled, self-indulgent, greedy, and smug P-O-S. By standing for plutocracy and kleptocracy, Ivanka offers nothing of value for humanity. Ivanka is, in the fullest sense of the term, worthless.
“But she’s hot, right?” one person said to me.
My reply was just a noise which, if it could be spelled out, might look like: Eeeeeeuuuuwwww.
“Oh come on,” he said. “You gotta admit she’s attractive.”
I had to point out to him that conservative women are made out of sinew and larva — and no matter how tightly the skin is pulled around it, Ivanka is just a bag of maggots.
Editorial Note: Be aware this series of political articles may contain intentional satire by author John Scott G and is not fully based on fact (aside from some of the stupider things, which are sadly 100% real). Hopefully you can tell the difference?
This opinion piece is Copr. © 2017 by John Scott G and originally published on CaliforniaNewswire.com – a publication of The Neotrope® News Network – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author. Editorial collage image by and Copr. © John Scott G.