I recently had a powerful realization about myself: I have an overwhelming need to be right. If you know me, you’re probably thinking, “No Shit, Sherlock. Tell me something new.”
But here’s the thing: This isn’t just about stubbornly clinging to an opinion. For me, being “right” often means I need others to see me as a great guy who always does the right thing.
From a young age, I realized that arguing my point no matter what wouldn’t lead to a happy life (yes, I can hear my friends and family chiming in here). Society teaches us that listening to others is important, that being right isn’t everything, and sometimes you gain more by being wrong. And then there’s the mind-blowing concept that maybe there really is no absolute right or wrong. Mic drop.
Over time, I got better at embracing these ideas. I became more open to changing my views, listening more, and not being so attached to having an opinion. Pretty enlightened, right?
Not so fast. While I became less opinionated and argumentative in general, I still struggled with one crucial issue: being wrong with myself.
Let me explain. It turns out that my need to be right, even if it’s not outwardly obvious, has been a huge waste of my time and energy. I couldn’t let myself be wrong, even when it was just me and my own thoughts. What does that even mean? Let me share a couple of examples.
This realization hit me during some recent home improvement projects. I was hanging a framed picture that should have taken 10 minutes, but I was still at it two hours later. The frame had those tiny triangle hooks on the back, and I tried everything — sliding, hammering, bolting, and screwing — to get them in place. When I finally managed to hang the picture, it was crooked. So, I went through the whole process again, over and over, until I got it right.
I justified the wasted time by telling myself I was getting a good workout. Could I have taken three minutes to get some wire, found an easier solution, and gone for a 45-minute walk? Sure. But I was determined to do it my way. The next day, I had to take it down because it looked terrible. Lesson not learned.
Another example comes from my hobby as an aquarist (a fancy word for someone who loves fish tanks). Keeping fish tanks clean and healthy is a lot of work, and dead fish are a sad but common occurrence. During a recent full cleaning, I realized one of my main filters wasn’t working. I knew instinctively that it was dead, but because it was still making the usual noises, I stubbornly cleaned it, replaced parts, and spent hours trying to get it to work. Three hours later, I had to admit defeat. But I still couldn’t let go of being right.
Dejected, I looked up the cost of a new filter: $14.95. It hit me that I could have saved myself hours of frustration by just replacing the darn thing. It wasn’t persistence — it was stupidity. I needed to allow myself to be wrong.
The next day, I approached my tasks with a new mindset. I hung more pictures, and when I encountered another frame with those tiny triangle hooks, I didn’t waste time. I grabbed some speaker wire, made the necessary adjustments, and hung the picture with ease. Less time, less hassle, and fewer holes in the wall. Victory!
In my fish tank maintenance, instead of wasting time trying to jerry-rig a solution, I bought a new part and installed it. It worked immediately, and I felt a genuine sense of accomplishment.
I don’t know when the next opportunity to be wrong with myself will come up, but I’m ready. Whether it’s hanging up on a long customer service call to try again at a better time, or asking for directions when I’m lost, I’m now confident that I don’t always have to be right. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
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This original article by Jonas Sills first appeared on CaliforniaNewswire.com and is Copr. © 2024 by Jonas Sills and California Newswire, part of the Neotrope® News Network – all rights reserved. Photo provided by author and is © 2024 Jonas Sills.
