Betsy DeVos has a deep and profound love of fairytales and she plans to slather that love all over the children of America.
You often hear the phrase “conservative values” but what does that phrase mean? It is similar to phrases like “square circle” and “dry water” in that it is an oxymoron — a contradictory or impossible statement. Nowhere is this better illustrated than in the Trump administration’s cabinet appointments: several of the rightwing nutjobs he appointed are on record as knowing nothing about the departments they will now lead; several are on record as wanting to destroy those departments.
Take, as one odious example, the doophus with a pole up her anus, Betsy DeVos.
As with all conservatives, Betsy is blind to her blind spots — which include ignorance, prejudice, religiosity, and a hatred of democracy. Her repulsive proselytizing for the forces of RCT (Radical Christian Terrorism) will soon result in new tests being administered to schoolkids all across our nation.
The Conservative Edumacashun Multiple Choice Profishinsea Test consists of two parts — a Civics section and a General section. Try a few selected questions and discover what schoolchildren will soon be facing in their voucherized classrooms during this, Our Time of America’s Shame:
CIVICS:
1. Name the three branches of government:
a) Legislative, Executive, Judicial.
b) Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria.
c) President, NRA, Holy Ghost.
2. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
a) Thomas Jefferson.
b) Paul Revere.
c) God.
3. The Constitution has how many amendments?
a) 27.
b) Eleventy-three.
c) A baker’s dozen.
4. When was the Declaration of Independence officially adopted?
a) July 4, 1776.
b) December 7, 1941.
c) January 20, 2017.
5. In what month are taxes due each year?
a) April.
b) The month after the War on Christmas.
c) Smart people don’t pay taxes.
GENERAL:
6. If a train leaves Baltimore traveling at 55mph, how long will it take to cover 55 miles?
a) One hour.
b) 55 minutes.
c) Jebus can make trains do anything.
7. Name the verb in the following sentence: A Trump supporter hit a woman.
a) Hit.
b) Any word can be verbed.
c) It’s not verbal, it’s typed.
8. Complete this sentence: If you do not learn from the mistakes of history, you are ______________.
a) doomed to repeat them.
b) classmates at Trump University.
c) watching FoxFakeNews.
9. True or False: libraries are a valuable part of the community.
a) True.
b) Books can be scary.
c) We don’t want no damn Liberians in our country.
10. How much is pi plus 0.85841?
a) 4.
b) Ummm, pie!
c) As with Paul Ryan’s budget, nothing ever needs to add up.
SCORING:
Give yourself ten points for each (a) answer, zero points for each (b) answer, and negative ten points for each conservatard answer.
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Editorial Note: Be aware this series of political articles may contain intentional satire by author John Scott G and is not fully based on fact (aside from some of the stupider things, which are sadly 100% real). Hopefully you can tell the difference?
This opinion piece is Copr. © 2017 by John Scott G and originally published on CaliforniaNewswire.com – a publication of The Neotrope® News Network – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author. Editorial collage image by and Copr. © John Scott G.
